Surgery Week and the Urge to Fast Forward

I'm exhausted and anxious, so I intend to make this a quick and to-the-point post just to keep documenting my journey.

I went Friday for presurgical testing, which was basically just a physical to ensure it's safe for me to undergo surgery. Apparently this is something PCP's can do, and since I ended up having to go there anyway for follow-up on my continued slightly elevated blood pressure, I wish someone had told me that and offered me the option of making my own appointment at my PCP. Instead, after my surgery was scheduled, I was just informed when and where to go for my presurgical appointment.

So they took tons of blood, took down a family history, checked my vitals. They did an EKG since my blood pressure was elevated. A half hour or more later, they told me to make an appointment with my PCP to get clearance to undergo surgery with the high blood pressure. Um...it's the Friday before Christmas, my surgery is next Friday, and you want me to go when exactly?? In a practice with five or six doctors, there was only one appointment available Christmas week, and that was Monday, December 23, at 7:00 PM. I already had a 3:15 appointment in Long Island for follow-up X-rays on my foot, and then had to hobble into Manhattan on my broken foot for a 7PM appointment with my PCP. I was dreading Monday!!

My PCP was not worried about my blood pressure for surgery and said getting clearance from a PCP with a full medical history on me is just protocol. She said it's a low-risk surgery, and I'm in a relatively low-risk demographic even with my "obesity, prediabetes, and high blood pressure." Gar. She said she is more worried about pregnancy with my health than she is about surgery. She said, "Surgery will be fine. Don't worry about Friday. But you need to worry about pregnancy. Drop some weight." I know she's right. My sister had similar blood pressure issues before pregnancy and I'm watching her deal with the complications. I'm not going to be able to fix everything in a few months, but if I make some changes and lose some of this extra weight I've put on in the past few years, I know there will be a change in some of those numbers. I can only be in better shape for being healthier, even if I'm still somewhat at risk.

So she gave me the clearance and I hobbled back home. Now I anxiously await tomorrow's bowel cleanse in preparation for surgery. This includes two enemas, drinking a bottle of magnesium citrate, and being on a liquid diet. Then I can't eat or drink anything past 11:00 PM for surgery the next day. So I will pretty much be STARVING by the time I'm recovering Friday evening.

I'm trying to do what I did in graduate school when I started to panic and feel overwhelmed with deadlines for major research papers. I'd focus on the task at hand and try to get through it, but part of me also had to be dissociating a bit and looking forward, thinking, "No matter what happens, in ___ days this will all be over." I'm keeping my eye on Friday night, which is not that far away, because even if I'm in pain, it will all be over! Then I will have the longer road ahead of getting my body into better health in order for us to stay on target with trying to conceive in a few months.