My Shabbat Obsession

I was going to title this “My Love Affair with Shabbat,” but the word "affair" implies temporariness, a fleeting fit of passion, or at least one that cannot be maintained with any level of intensity throughout a lifetime. On the contrary, Shabbat is one of the things that cemented my love of Judaism, and my appreciation for it and enjoyment of it only grows with time.

I heard it said once that Shabbat is like having a holiday every week. Actually, I think I read that in one of my books for class in a chapter about the loss of holidays from other faiths when you convert. The piece was talking about how “it’s only hard to be a Jew if you don’t like being a Jew,” and spoke about focusing more on all the holidays you and your children will gain with Judaism as opposed to the few you lose. I think that is where it referenced and celebrated Shabbat as “a holiday at the end of every week.”

What a fitting description, as I look forward to Shabbat all week, more than I ever did with an ordinary weekend. I feel excitement as the sun starts to set on Friday evening, and I’m quite distressed if I can’t go to services to celebrate it with people who are equally joyous.

It’s funny to remember back to when we first started attending services and how we would try to get out of it sometimes. We were just sooo tired at the end of the week and didn’t feel like driving out to something that didn’t start until 8:00PM when we just wanted to be in our pajamas with a movie and a snack. One of us would bring it up pretty passively and then feel great relief when the other said, “Well, let’s not go this week. Let’s just read from one of our books and we’ll go next week.” We never missed more than one week at a time, but we certainly enjoyed those “breaks” and it felt like a treat. Now it feels like we are missing out, like we are being forced to stay home from the party, and no amount of recognition within our home feels quite the same. We will re-arrange or reschedule or say no to the craziest things in order to make sure we can go, and it’s not out of a sense of obligation, which is very unfamiliar to me! 

I used to live for the sermon, and most of the rest were details that took away from that, or at least were just too long in comparison. Now that they are so familiar and I have more context for them, I live for every single one of those very details. The Sh'ma has become my favorite piece, the piece I wait all week for, as "Shalom Rav" has become for Nicole.

Friday evenings are joyous, and then I love waking up on Saturday morning. That might be the single happiest moment of my average week. I feel the majority of Shabbat still ahead of me and get to engage in fascinating, thought-provoking conversation at Torah Study. I’m there by 9:00AM, regardless of when we finally got home from the oneg the night before. I leave feeling invigorated and looking forward to the rest of my day, which I do my best to make restful.

Last week was my first Shabbat as a Jew, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I woke up Saturday practically wanting to sing, and cheerily bounded off to my first Torah Study as a Jew. If I still had any question about whether I “feel different” since my actual conversion, this answered it – I have only once before spoken up in Torah Study, around a comparison to Catholicism which was a familiar and comfortable subject, but last Saturday I spoke up several times and really engaged in the conversation. Something clicked for me to make me feel like I have a right to belong and participate in a way that I didn’t feel before my conversion. I feel more confident and relaxed now, and less like I’m being tested or have to feel like a self-conscious visitor. The same was true for Part 3 of our four-part “Taste of Great Jewish Books” course – this past Tuesday’s class is the first one where I really spoke up and participated in the broader discussion instead of just absorbing in awe.

Similarly, I think my appreciation for Shabbat has grown even more since I became fully Jewish. It has always been joyous, but now it is ecstacy. Having a "Shabbat date" (yes, we're nerds) of reading over coffee at Starbucks that afternoon was pure contentment. Cherishing Shabbat and celebrating it and keeping it holy makes me feel so close to my God and my people. You’d think something that is a commandment would feel restrictive, but on the contrary, it is utterly liberating!