10 Week Update

I'm ten weeks today, and it's been quite a ride. I had a few weeks of queasiness, but now not in over a week. Only once, in the middle of the night, did I actually feel really sick, but I still never vomited. I just felt like my stomach was heaving, like I was really seasick, and it wracked me for about an hour until I just fell back asleep. Aside from that one incident, I would just feel bouts of queasiness throughout the day. I kept ginger candies on me for when it got bad, but "bad" was still never really that bad.

The worst thing was really the difficulty eating. I would be so hungry but the idea of most foods would just turn me off. I was always in the mood for pizza from the amazing pizzeria down the street (which I only indulged once over those several weeks) and could always eat carbs, but protein became more difficult to stomach. I would eat barely any dinner and then have a bowl of cereal when I got hungry later. I was so repulsed by leftover pesto chicken that I reheated for lunch one day (I ended up just eating the pasta and then was ravenous and snacking all afternoon because I'd had no protein) that I still can't eat chicken. It was such a curse, being so hungry but feeling sick at the idea of anything that would be good and filling!

All that has passed. Somehow, without my realizing it, it disappeared around or before nine weeks. I've felt so great the past week that I sometimes get nervous about whether everything is okay! I hadn't had any spotting in over a week, and told my wife Thursday night that I felt like one of those factories that have a sign up with like "7 Days Accident Free" where they update it every day. It was just so reassuring that the spotting could be over, and every consecutive day without it felt great. No sooner than I said that, on Friday morning I saw some red blood. Not the "normal" pink or brown, but red. I was at work and went back to my office and broke down in tears.

I had let my guard down. I'd begun to feel blissful again. And physically comfortable at that! I was just in such a happy and secure place. This was like a slap in the face, like a reminder that I was getting too comfortable and should still be anxious.

I ended up calling my OB because I was worried that it would get worse over the weekend and then I would feel bad about calling an on-call doctor after hours so I would be questioning myself about whether it was really a big deal or whether I was overreacting. I figured calling during work hours and just getting an answer would put me at ease, and it did. My nurse said not to be alarmed unless I have to change my pad because of it or unless I get a backache and cramping. So of course then I kept feeling like I was having a backache and then would run to the bathroom to check my pad, but there was nothing. There's been nothing since (it's been two days). And I'm starting to feel more secure again, and yet at the same time, carrying a little bit of dread in the back of my mind.

Two and a half weeks til we get our 12 week sonogram. I'm hoping that gives me a little more reassurance!