Intro to Judaism - Week 13

My conversion is on the horizon!!!!!!!!!

I have been feeling so ready and eager but have resisted initiating the conversation with my rabbi because I wanted it to come from her. I just needed to know that she had made her own assessment of my readiness, without my own excitement inadvertently pushing my agenda or rushing the process. Her un-coerced and voluntary assessment was really important to me. But I am THERE. I have soooo much still to learn, and will for my entire life, but I'm ready to formalize my commitment to this ongoing journey. I'm ready to participate in this adventure alongside my people, my community. My heart, my mind, my willingness to commit is ready and there.

The conversation came about because Rabbi asked how often my parents come up and if I would want to invite them to be part of it. I said yes, I'd love to include them if they feel comfortable, and they are coming up at the end of April. I said I'm not sure if that's realistic. Rabbi asked if I feel ready, and I said absolutely. Then she said she feels I'm ready too, and that people often take the class first to get more familiar and then need some time afterward. However, it took so long for me to get into the class that it puts me in a different place because I had already been going to services and studying with the rabbi for some time. She said April seems completely feasible.

Rabbi said we will talk next time more about exact details. I'm SO EXCITED and so happy! I may have cried a bit when Rabbi said she feels I am ready after the class ends. (Me? Emotional? Shocker, I know.) I really didn't anticipate how much it would move me just to have her say that. It's sort of like being blissfully in love with someone and talking about marriage with them and knowing it's heading there, and yet it's still so emotionally powerful when you actually get engaged. It's like it's really out there, it's really happening, here it comes!!!

I'm so humbled to feel welcomed into the Jewish community by my rabbi. I don't feel worthy (and don't think I ever could), and am just so honored.

Oh boy - if I'm this much of a mess over just this part of it, I need to steel myself for the actual conversion!