Holiday After Holiday!

One of the greatest joys I am realizing and embracing about Judaism is the number of holidays. This past month has just been so lively and engaging, contemplative and joyous. Today I will just speak to Yom Kippur, and I will try to keep it brief!

Rosh Hashanah was my first joy, of course, but my (cranky, hungry) Yom Kippur had an unexpectedly beautiful ending. I was thinking throughout the day how frustrating it was that the physical effects of the fast were doing the opposite of what is probably intended - I was unfocused and irritable. It wasn't even so much about hunger, because I got used to that. It was about my body just not feeling right. My head was hurting and I was exhausted and snippy and could barely keep my eyes open during services. How is that supposed to help me atone? I asked myself crankily.

Initially I struggled with this because I felt like the fast is pointless if I'm feeling this way about it rather than being super pious and penitent and graciously self-denying. But as the sun set and the community slipped into a state of relief and triumph ("we did it!! we survived! now let's go eat!"), I realized how much holiness there is in devotion even when you don't want to do something. I don't have to be HAPPY about fasting. What's important is that I did it anyway. I spent the day in prayer even when it was hard to stay focused because I felt physically unwell. Sometimes you do things for people you love even if it makes you grouchy, and you try to do it without complaint, but what matters is that you're doing it.

Yom Kippur was on Shabbat this year, and I was disappointed that I would miss our normal Shabbat joy and Torah Study. However, the upside of this is that the end of Yom Kippur coincided with the end of Shabbat so Rabbi slipped right into a Havdalah service. Havdalah services mark the transition from Shabbat back into the normal week. More traditional Jews have these services every week, but Reforms generally don't. However, our synagogue offers them two or three times a year so that people can still get the experience and so that we don't forget what it's about. I have only been to one, because the other one this summer was while I was in Chicago.

The one I went to was with the Cantor, as our Rabbi was out of town. It was in the auditorium where summer services are held, not in our sanctuary, and he did it sort of with commentary. A "learner's Havdalah" if you will. This was great for learning, since I had never been to a Havdalah service before, but the service didn't just "happen" since it was all being explained so I didn't get the feel of it. As Yom Kippur ended, taking Shabbat with it, Rabbi just started doing the Havdalah service and I got to feel it. She just went through the motions so naturally, with no explanation, as everyone was singing joyously with relief and a sense of accomplishment. And it was a FULL room because of Yom Kippur. It was so unexpected and so emotionally overwhelming that I was sobbing as I watched Rabbi and listened to the unfamiliar songs that I couldn't sing along with. Beautiful, beautiful few moments.