Tisha B'Av

Today is Tisha B'Av, a Jewish national day of mourning for the destruction of both temples. For strict observers, it involves not listening to music or celebrating or having fun for three weeks, fasting the first and last day (24 hours without food OR water), nine days of abstaining from meat, and more. For Reform Jews...well, I've recently learned that many say, "Tisha B'what??"

In trying to find my own path to making Tisha B'Av personally meaningful over the past few weeks, I was told by one person, "Reforms don't really do that," while others asked what the day is. One person at my synagogue sitting behind me in services last week said, "I only ever heard the name at Jewish camp as a kid, and didn't know what it was," while someone in Torah study said, "As a kid I always heard people say stay away from water, which was hard in summer, and I didn't understand why."

Well, this year Rabbi educated those in attendance, and it was so wonderful to see the level of curiosity, interest, and interaction among congregants around this topic. She offered explanation for why many Reform Jews are not so observant of this day, and engaged us in discussion around how we can make it meaningful to us so that it does not just go by completely ignored.

Friday evening, Rabbi's sermon was about the Haftarah portion which was relevant to Tisha B'Av, and she used that to get conversation going around it. In the summer, services have a smaller turnout and are held in another room (not in the sanctuary) where it is cooler. This means a more intimate and casual gathering, and it was so smart to utilize this forum to get people involved in the sermon. Rabbi explained that many Reforms moved away from observing Tisha B'Av because we don't agree with such intensive mourning around the destruction of the temples in a way that implies our wish to have them back. Reform Jews are very proud of the Diaspora and wouldn't necessarily wish for all Jews to be in Israel and at the temple. Reform Jews also enjoy the way Jewish spirituality currently manifests and would not wish to return to a time of priests and animal sacrifices. Thus, such severe mourning over the temples' destruction and the atmosphere of those times feels inauthentic.

However, the destruction of the temple is just one of many, many times throughout history in which Jews were persecuted, in which a group in power attempted to completely obliterate the Jewish people. Tisha B'Av provides an opportunity to mourn this persecution, the loss of Jewish lives, and the suppression of Jewish culture. It encourages us to be contemplative and to let ourselves FEEL the pain of this. It reminds us of our painful history so that we can increase our joy and appreciation the rest of the year and so that we don't forget where we have come from and what we have survived. It can even remind us of where persecution still exists, against us or against others.

How can I make that meaningful for me? How can I spend three weeks feeling this in a way that is meaningful and not emptily ritualistic?

I can tell you fasting didn't work for me! I tried the first day and was so miserable and cranky. I felt physically unwell which affected my job performance (which affects people's lives) and my interactions with those around me. So not only was it causing harm, but my resentment around how I was feeling certainly didn't aid me in mourning and contemplating.

I think next year I may observe similarly to how I used to observe Lent as a Catholic. I will not give up all opportunities for joy in the beautiful summer I am given, but I will give up something so that I feel and can stay sobered by its loss for that period of time. I can also continue to take on opportunities for staying mentally and emotionally engaged in the meaning of Tisha B'Av, which I did this year by attending Rabbi's beautiful Lamentations study and by attending a temple field trip to the little Holocaust Museum out on Long Island.

I'm finding my balance, and am grateful for the dialogue I can have with my peers and my rabbi to help me find the path of observance that is right for me.