Intro to Judaism - Week 3

Reading about Shabbat in the past few weeks has made a significant impact on my experience of it. Understanding its meaning makes me feel compelled to honor Shabbat. I am learning about many traditions, customs, and rituals, and finding what is meaningful to me – many things are not (or at least not yet), but I took to observance of Shabbat almost immediately. It just clicked with me.

I remember in one of our first meetings with Rabbi R, she suggested we start thinking about how to honor Shabbat at home, because observance in home life is very important to Jews. She gave the idea of lighting candles. We never did this because it felt awkward and contrived, but now I know why – because we didn’t get what it was for, not on a spiritual level anyway. It felt like we were mimicking someone else’s tradition. It didn’t feel like it had meaning for us.

Recently this has changed a great deal, just from learning about it. Now I’m eager to embrace it as my own, as something that is personally significant. The last couple of Shabbat services have felt entirely different – joyous and a little emotional. When we first began going, I looked so forward to the sermon (d’var Torah?) because that’s where I felt stimulated, that’s where I felt like I was learning; the rest of the service, while basically enjoyable, felt too long and repetitive. I felt antsy to get to the sermon, and then disappointed when it seemed over so quickly. Now I enjoy every part of the service (maybe still not quite so much the exhaustive naming of all the Yahrzeits and people in need of healing, but I understand and respect the purpose). I enjoy every prayer, every chant, every reading. It just all has a different feel, and I can’t quite explain it.

I’ve also had to start thinking about how I’m going to observe Shabbat OUTSIDE of temple. Now the idea of lighting our own Shabbat candles is nice. But I feel compelled to take it further than that. I have really relished the last few Shabbatot in a way that was entirely new to me. I felt happy and relaxed and rejuvenated. I tried not to do anything unless I took pleasure in it – so it may be considered “work” technically, but it wasn’t work to me if I enjoyed it. For example, going over to our new house together last Saturday to wash down our cabinets was refreshing, sentimental, and exciting as we prepared our new home.

I’m not always comfortable talking about my conversion to people who don’t get it, or who themselves are uncomfortable with it – and this leads to a challenge if I want to make sure I don’t work at my actual job on Shabbat. This would mean stating that I can only take the weekday on-call shifts, and that I can only work on Sundays. It could even mean having to leave before 4:00 in the winter in order not to be at work at sundown. All of this means exposing myself quite a bit, but it’s something I’m feeling increasingly strongly about, so I may have to make that leap.