Choosing a Hebrew Name

Disclaimer: I will not take on my Hebrew name until conversion, so I will not really be sharing it with anyone yet. However, I wanted to write about the process of finding my name, and since all of four people in my life read this blog (two of them rabbis and the other two immediate family), I'm okay with talking about it in this forum.

From Anita Diamant's book Choosing Judaism (with lots deleted throughout to pare it down):

Converts have always selected Hebrew names that speak to them personally...There are 2,800 personal names in the Hebrew Bible, and although fewer than five percent of those are in current use, all of them are yours to consider.  

Many of the names in the Bible are theophoric, meaning that they exalt God...Others describe the circumstances of birth or a person's historical role...The Bible also contains many names that refer to the natural universe: Deborah--bee; Jonah--dove; Tamar--palm tree. 

The lexicon of Hebrew names was not handed down from Mount Sinai; it has grown and changed throughout history and in response to local customs and fashions. Take, for example, the quintessentially Jewish name Esther, which is Persian in origin and shares its root with the fertility goddess, Ishtar. When the state of Israel was founded, in 1948, scores of new Hebrew names were invented and many old ones reclaimed. Your rabbi should be able to provide you with guidance, lists, even suggestions. Once you find one or two names that you especially like, you might ask the rabbi to help you find some texts about the biblical character or name you've selected. 

But you may not have to look any further than your own given name for inspiration. Some names translate beautifully. Regina or Gina, which means "queen," can give rise to Malkah, which also means "queen." If your parents named you David, David (pronounced "Dah-veed") can be your Hebrew name as well... 

Many converts follow the contemporary American custom of selecting a Hebrew name based on the initial letter or sound of their English name. Thus, Robert chooses Reuben, and Mary selects Miriam. But don't feel obligated by an accident of the alphabet. Since Jewish babies are usually named after parents or grandparents, some converts choose a name to honor someone in their own lives... 

But there's no rule that you have to find an orthographic or historical connection between your name and your Hebrew name. This is an area of Jewish practice where there are few rules or customs, so find a name that feels right and has meaning for you.

My friend Allyson asked me a few days ago whether I had chosen a Hebrew name yet. I said that it has been on my mind off and on, as far as just knowing that I will do this and kind of wondering how, but that I hadn't spent a lot of time thinking about it yet because I'm not really sure how to start and was kind of hoping it would just come to me. She said that often people choose to honor the memory of a deceased loved one, such as by choosing a name that begins with the same letter of that relative's name. Nicole's middle name is that of her great-grandmother whom she has never met.

I immediately thought of my maternal grandmother who died when I was twelve years old. She was my favorite grandparent and I still cry for missing her if I let myself think about her too much. Everything in our extended family kind of fell apart after her death, so I also associate her with a more peaceful and connected time. Also, since my mother is the youngest in her family, we are the youngest cousins. This means my grandmother got to see our other cousins with their spouses, and some even with their children, while she didn't even get to see me go to high school. I struggled for a long time with feeling cheated out of her knowing me as an adult - and me knowing HER as an adult. Oh the questions I would ask her, the conversations we would have, that never would have occurred to me or seemed important at twelve!

My grandmother was adopted as an infant, born in Canada as Stella by a woman who feared my grandmother's father. My great-grandparents - who lived on a farm in Auburn, NY - took her in without ever legally formalizing the adoption, because that would have required reaching out to the father, and my grandmother's birth mother was afraid to have any further contact with him. My grandmother was renamed Bertha Mabel Miller (this maiden name coincidentally being the same as my father's surname). Her name is German, as we are of very mixed ancestry but with a strong German heritage. 

I started my search by looking at Hebrew names that started with B, as Allyson suggested. I didn't want the name to be completely arbitrary, though, sharing only the first letter, so I looked for a name that may sound similar. The closest I found was Betuel, and it just didn't feel right. I tumbled it around in my mind and in my mouth for quite some time and just couldn't connect with it. It then occurred to me to look up the meaning of Bertha and go from there. Bertha is a German name meaning "bright, radiant." This immediately resonated with me, as my grandmother was easygoing, content, and full of joy and life - definitely something that is also true for me. How perfect for me to have a name that also means "bright" and to feel connected to her in that way. I looked that up and found the name Ziva. It immediately felt right.

Not only does this name connect me to my beloved grandmother, but also to our shared sense of spirituality. My grandmother was Baptist, played Baptist hymns on her piano (charming to me as a Catholic child), and just exuded pure and solid faith. Tying in my Hebrew name to her feels more natural and appropriate than if I had a minimally observant Jewish relative whose name I could build on. We share a deep and trusting love of God, and if she were here, I feel confident that she would be supportive of my journey.