My First Passover (sort of)

I say "sort of" because I have attended a few at Nicole's parents' but this is my first time hosting. Last year, my mother-in-law half-seriously suggested we host - "YOU guys should be doing this now, since you're getting so Jewish." We had been attending services all of three months, and I panicked and said, "I have no idea what I'm doing, I haven't converted yet!" Well, I still haven't converted, but this year I asked three months ago whether we could host and have been excited ever since.

Passover shopping was so much fun. I had no idea all the things that are marketed toward us! Wheat-free breakfast cereal, chocolate chip cookie mix, etc. We went to Fairway, which has an entire kosher deli area, and indeed they had a whole section set up for Passover. Much better than Stop & Shop where we had to hunt around to find even one shelf, and the only matzah they had wasn't even kosher for Passover. My mother-in-law had agreed to make a brisket and a baked chicken since we are squeamish about making big meats like that, so we bought her the chicken and then all the fixings for our side dishes and seder plate.

I am SO BLESSED to work for a Jewish organization that honors the holidays on which you are not supposed to work. Growing up, these holidays were just strange words on the calendar, much like "Boxing Day (Canada)". I didn't actually know anyone who celebrated them or who even knew what they were. When I began working at my current agency in 2006 and learned we closed for certain holidays, they were freebie days off and I loved it. When I started the process of conversion, I thought I would feel disappointed that they were no longer such freebies because now they would come with things I had to do. Instead, I LOVE doing these things and feel so fortunate that I have the time to. Instead of feeling disappointed or even resentful that I couldn't just get off at 1:00 and go hang out in the city or kick up my heels and watch a movie, I felt grateful that I had time to cook. I knew I'd be hosting this seder no matter what, and it helped immensely to have that extra time.

I had so much fun breaking out our wedding china for the first time. In fact, so much of what we used at our seder had been a gift - the silverware, candlesticks, crystal bowl, tablecloth, and cloth napkins. It was fun remembering who gave us what and finally feeling an occasion to use them.

Our seder was a bit unconventional as we tried to navigate it on our own for the first time. For instance, we got to a point in the haggadah where it said to eat the meal and then have the third and fourth cup of wine afterward. At my in-laws' we have always finished the entire seder before eating, so Nicole was nervous that we were doing something wrong, but I insisted we just go along with the book. Maybe her family has been doing it wrong this whole time, who knows?

I also made a few adjustments to our seder plate that I'm sure are totally unkosher. I didn't want to go buy a lamb shank bone. I'm not sure why I was so resistant to that, but I was. I just knew that they're in high demand right now so the prices get jacked up and all for something symbolic - it's clearly not the paschal lamb itself, so why can't something else symbolize it just as well? My mother-in-law uses a wishbone from the chicken she bakes, and I read elsewhere that some people just use a piece of the actual meat they'll be using, so that already seemed like an endorsement of some creativity. Then I happened across something a couple days ago that said vegetarians (despite not eating the bone, clearly an animal was still killed to get it) may use a fresh beet cut open to look bloody. That clicked with me immediately, so I got a bunch of beets, cut one open (it really did look bloody!), and then cooked the rest with their greens. Of course I also read later that you shouldn't eat roast meat because it can seem like you are taking the paschal sacrifice back outside the temple for yourself, so that probably goes for the beets too, but I wasn't about to waste them.

Then for the maror, Nicole completely objected to horseradish, despite my telling her that it's not supposed to be an enjoyable snack, that the displeasure of tasting it is exactly the point. So I got romaine lettuce, which felt like a cop-out since it's not nearly so bitter as horseradish, though I did read that it's an acceptable substitute.

For my AMAZING, DELICIOUS, OH-SO-PROUD-OF-IT charoset, I replaced the walnuts with dates because my coworker that I invited over has a bad nut allergy. Then I put everything on a bread tray since we don't have a seder plate yet. (A Reconstructionist colleague of mine has generously offered to give me hers, a nice ceramic one made in Israel. She is moving in with her rabbi fiancee in New Hampshire and can't bring it with her since it's not kosher for some reason and her fiancee keeps kosher.)

My Orthodox colleague would totally cringe at this photo if I put it on Facebook, but I am very proud.

I later put out an orange on the plate as well, which represents equality for women and the LGBT population, after some male rabbi in the 70s told the first female rabbi that "a woman belongs up on the bimah like an orange belongs on a seder plate." But I forgot it in the fridge and didn't take a second photo when I brought it out.

Here is my totally unfancy matzah plate. They are on an everyday dinner dish and separated by paper napkins. This was quite the improvised seder!

Having the hard-boiled egg on the seder plate, and then the tradition of hiding a piece of the matzah - the "afikoman," or dessert - for a child to find after the meal and receive a prize for it was such a reminder of the similarities between Passover and Easter. It makes sense that the Jews who eventually followed Jesus and became Christians would adapt a long-held tradition to fit with their new religion. So while an Easter egg hunt may feel like a secular activity (or even pagan, considering the very similar rituals and symbols for Ostara), it can actually be connected back to Judeo-Christian roots.

Hosting was super stressful, and I got the Jewish Mom experience of barely being able to eat with people because I was always in the kitchen prepping the next course, but it was so rewarding to see people enjoying themselves. And people raved in particular about my charoset and my matzoh ball soup - my first time making both. I'm getting teary-eyed as I write this - it just felt so good to be making things that felt like home but that I have never done before, and to do them well.

This was the menu - get ready to be jealous.

My mother-in-law brought:
--a whole baked Murray's chicken with leeks
--brisket with mushroom gravy
--potato kugel (store-bought)
--latkes (homemade and DELISH)

We made:
--roasted beets with greens
--sauteed spinach and mushrooms
--roasted asparagus
--salad
--mashed sweet potatoes (store-bought)
--matzoh ball soup (MY FAVORITE SOUP EVER, where have you been all my life??)
--flour-free chocolate chip cookies (from a box)
--charoset for the seder plate

And my brother-in-laws' girlfriend made flourless chocolate cake. She is Catholic and it was so sweet that she put so much work into a recipe she has never tried before. Last year she bought one from Magnolia, but it cost over $60 so she nervously tried it herself - and it came out AMAZING. It's pretty much a fudgy chocolate stick of butter. Heart attack/diabetic coma/heaven.

I was glad we had a small turnout because I knew we would be kind of fumbling through our first seder. But Nicole's family aren't exactly pros themselves (which is why when I first met Nicole, I expressed horror that she wouldn't be able to teach this to her children - thus the beginning of my journey!) and they were so supportive. Nicole's brother even said to her that he was impressed at how smoothly Nicole was able to read the Hebrew blessings compared to last year.

And I love that we are creating new traditions - though Nicole was a bit resistant! Because I don't have a Jewish background of my own, I think she took it for granted that I would just be taking on her family's traditions, that I would be replicating how they do and make everything. But how can you when you're a different person? She didn't expect me to already be changing it up a bit and making it our own. Two examples: 1.) I refused to use the Lipton noodle soup that she bought in the matzah ball soup, because you aren't supposed to have noodles during Passover. Nicole said, "But Mom makes it that way, everyone likes it that way, otherwise it's just broth!" And I said, "Well I'm hosting this year, so people will eat it how I make it. I am NOT using noodles on Passover." She pouted but then never said another word because everyone loved the soup and not one person said, "But where are the noodles??" 2.) "But Mom chops up the apples for the charoset chunky, not small like that. And you can't leave out walnuts and put in DATES! Dates?? I won't eat it! Oh, yum..."

Nicole struggles because she has always been "Jewish enough." She has never struggled to identify as Jewish, no matter how that was or was not practiced, so she is resistant to doing "extra." For instance, she is in shock that I am actually abstaining from wheat and grain products for the full eight days. But she went from making obnoxious comments initially to now saying she would agree to joining me for the first 24 hours. For my change-fearing, stuck-in-her-ways wife, that is a big deal.

It was a pleasure to be able to give my mother-in-law a break. The Jewish observance in her family seems to be dissolving with every generation (and with every interfaith marriage, including her own) and she is the only one who even still holds a seder, so it's on her every year. She kept raving about how happy she was just to be able to make the meat and bring it over and have us doing the rest.

We may only be able to keep it alive another couple generations before it gets watered down again, but we will do our damnedest to impart the importance of keeping these traditions and this culture alive. I am hopeful.

Next year in Jerusalem!