After the service, Rabbi told us to take our time celebrating in the sanctuary while she went up to do the blessing for the congregational dinner. I used this time to open gifts with everyone there. I was so blown away by everyone's generosity - I received such beautiful Judaica, all of which will be remembered forever for this most special moment in my life. We got mezuzot from A&A and from Nicole's boss, a "Woman of Valor" tzedakah box from Nicole's non-Jewish colleague who sent it along with her boss, a "Woman of Valor" framed poem from Nicole's family, a challah cover and kiddush cup from Jen and Heather, and a tree of life kiddush cup from Allyson.
I finally interrupted the schmoozing and asked if we could go upstairs to eat, as it was now 6:45 and the dinner was to have started at 6:15. The Sisterhood had sweetly reserved us the center table, so we didn't have to worry about being separated when we came in late. The dinner was okay, and I felt good about having my group support the Sisterhood by attending. It was also just a nice, relaxed segue into the 8:00 Shabbat service. This was my first Shabbat as a Jew, and I just so enjoyed spending time with everyone, chatting and laughing and sharing details of the day (there were many curious questions about the mikvah!).
Rabbi had warned me that my welcoming would be a very small part of the service because it was a special Sisterhood service and they had a very full program. This was more than fine with me because I had agreed to the option of having a private ceremony long ago so that I wouldn't have to spend too much time in the spotlight and could be more comfortable and enjoy the moment. The smaller, the better! But it was still beautifully more than I had expected.
First of all, I was in the program: "Temple Tikvah celebrates the conversion of Rachel ____." This was such an honor and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. We had been given a packet when we walked in, as the Sisterhood had prepared an entire service in one packet instead of having us flip back and forth through the books with supplementary materials. It was nice and in order for us to follow it. And after a few pages, I noticed at the bottom of the next page a responsorial piece for my conversion. I became nervous but also touched and excited.
I was called to the bimah, and Rabbi said some nice words about having had the honor to serve on my beit din and be at the mikvah. Then she gave me the microphone so I could say a few words to this beautiful, warm community. I said:
"I want to thank you all for being so welcoming of me in the past year and a half since my wife and I first nervously stepped foot in Temple Tikvah. It has been an incredible community in which to be on this journey. You have all been so kind and supportive while I have been undergoing an incredible transformation in your midst that you were likely not even aware of. Rabbi R has been an amazing teacher and mentor, and I am proud to call Temple Tikvah home, now more than ever. I look forward to celebrating the milestones of life alongside all of you. In the words of the convert Ruth, 'Wherever you go, I shall go, and wherever you stay, I shall stay. Your people shall be my people, and your God shall be my God.' Thank you for welcoming me home."
Cue collective "Awwwww." Just that "Aww" filled my heart with joy - I'd had no idea my simple words would so touch these people.
Rabbi then took out my tallit, which we had given her to keep up on the bimah, and she showed it to the congregation. She said, "Earlier today, Rachel's beautiful wife, Nicole, gave her this gorgeous tallit. Nicole, come on up." She had us go down into the aisle so we were surrounded by our community, and Nicole held it up while the congregation gave the blessing, and then Nicole draped it over my shoulders. Then Rabbi invited the congregation to join in with the reading:
Rachel, we welcome you tonight as a Daughter of Israel, a full member of the Jewish community. We are blessed that you and Nicole have chosen Temple Tikvah as your spiritual home, and we offer you this ancient blessing in turn:
Y'varechecha Adonai va'yishmereicha
May God bless you and keep you,
Ya'eyr Adonai panav elecha vi'chuneka
May God's face of endless grace shine upon you
Yisah Adonai panav eylecha, vayesem lecha shalom
May God's countenance be ever turned toward you
May you find community and compassion,
Wisdom and wonder,
Answers and questions,
Privilege and responsibility,
Sweetness and joy abundant,
May your Jewish journey continue and bring you, all your people Israel, and all the world,
Wholeness, promise, and peace.
They couldn't have said anything more perfect, and it was so wonderful to see all those happy, proud, and emotional faces. Rabbi gave me another wonderful, long hug, and then I sat down and participated in my first Shabbat service as a Jew.
It was just a few minutes, and it was perfect. They made those minutes count. I felt so special and loved and welcomed without having to be completely awkwardly on the spot. I'm so, so glad I did everything exactly the way I did it, as far as what I did during the private ceremony versus the public.
At the end of the service, a Sisterhood co-president went up as the bimah officer to make announcements. She also happens to be the first person we ever met at Temple Tikvah when we were awkwardly and anxiously trying to figure out where to go our first Shabbat there, and she had helped direct us where to go. She related that story (embarrassing, but also made us relatable to the congregation!) and sweetly welcomed me, saying how lucky Temple Tikvah was to have me a part of the community, and then invited me up so she could give me a gift from the Sisterhood. It was Shabbat candlesticks in a beautiful velvet box. So perfect.
At the oneg (dessert reception held after services), soooo many people kept coming up to me to hug me and congratulate me, including a couple of people who themselves had converted or had a parent who had converted. I was so touched at how my conversion moved people, and so glad I found the courage to allow them to be part of it in some way.
The day was perfect. The beit din was anxiety-provoking, the mikvah was emotional and the most powerful experience of my life, my delicious Jewish lunch was relaxing and joyful, the private ceremony was intimate and meaningful, and the public ceremony was affirming and welcoming. It was just the best day from beginning to end. I'm so grateful for a rabbi who contributed to its specialness through the spiritual and connected way that she led everything. It has been such a treasure to build this relationship with her, to have her witness to and part of my transformation, and then to facilitate my conversion as someone who has gotten to know me quite well. I am so, so blessed to have been led to exactly where I need to be.
In the joyful afterglow, I feel content and at peace. I had a lovely first Shabbat as a Jew, full of rest and relaxation and love and contentment. I went to my first Torah study as a Jew, feeling more comfortable and like I had a right to be there and to participate. So yes, in case you wondered, it DOES feel different afterward, despite my day-to-day life looking pretty much exactly the same. I am indeed who I have always been, but a light switch went on inside me at some point. My excitement turned to contentment, my nervousness to comfort and peace. I am so, so happy.
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