After the mikvah, Rabbi R and Cantor went back to work and Rabbi E, Nicole, Allyson, and I went to lunch. Rabbi R had recommended Woodro Deli, a popular kosher restaurant she grew up with. It was just a block or so from the mikvah, and it was the PERFECT place for my first meal as a Jewish woman!
I hadn’t eaten that morning, just as much from nerves as from my desire to keep my body as clean and pure as I could, and now, around 2:00, I was ravenous. I had a lunch special with a half a cup of matzoh ball soup, a brisket and gravy on rye half-sandwich, and coffee. Then Rabbi E ordered latkes and kashi and bowties for the table. I had never had kashi and bowties before. It’s such a simple dish, just some sort of barley grain and bowtie pasta, but I enjoyed it for its uniqueness and hominess. I immensely enjoyed everything, and it was a very appropriate meal, nourishing both my body and my soul.
We stayed there and chatted for a couple of hours before Rabbi E had to get back to her own synagogue and I had to work myself up to the next part of the day. Before leaving, I wanted to open the gifts from Nicole and my mom that Nicole had brought along. Nicole had wanted me to open hers the day before, but I refused to open it until I was “officially” a Jew. Now seemed like a good time, surrounded by love and joy. I wanted to share in that with Allyson and Rabbi E. Nicole had gotten me a beautiful tree of life tallit (prayer shawl). It is from Israel
It was about 4:30 when we got back to our house, and the private ceremony was starting at 5:30, so there wasn’t much downtime! It was a beautifully full and rich day. I used this time to call my mom and gab excitedly about the morning and what I anticipated for the evening.
We left the house earlier than we needed to because I was very antsy. Shortly after we got to temple, Nicole’s boss came in. Her boss is the only other Jew in their department and she has been soooo supportive of my conversion by allowing Nicole to leave early every week to get to our Intro class and just excitedly asking how it’s going. Nicole had initially invited her just to the 8:00 Shabbat service, where I would be publicly welcomed, and her boss said she would kill time in the area until then. I told Nicole to just invite her to the 5:30 private ceremony. Nicole was unsure, because her boss isn’t someone I know. I said, “First of all, I want people there who aren’t just supportive of ME, but get the momentousness of this occasion and are excited and want to celebrate that. Also, this isn’t just about me. You have been a huge part of this process, and will even be getting a Hebrew name. Let her be part of that!” And sure enough, her boss was so touched and thrilled to be able to come to the private ceremony.
Soon afterward, Nicole’s parents and sister got there, and then our friends C and D from temple. Everyone was bearing gifts that I requested to open afterward, as I was now starting to get a little nervous and wanted to be able to enjoy and appreciate them in the afterglow of it all. C insisted I open hers because it went along with my tallit. It was a beautiful tallit clip from Israel
Rabbi R came out and greeted us all, and I introduced her to everyone. I don’t think I realized how much I have raved about our rabbi until I watched my mother-in-law greet her. My mother-in-law has seemed a little underwhelmed when I go on and on excitedly about things related to my Judaism, and I don’t think I realized how much she gets it and how much she really absorbed of all that I have said. She told Rabbi that she has heard so much about her and how wonderful she has been and how welcomed we have felt and that she was so happy to finally meet her. And I could see it in her face – she gets how Nicole and I adore this woman!
Rabbi invited us into the sanctuary and put seats up on the bimah in a circle so that I could have people around me as supports in an intimate setting, rather than down below in the pews. The ceremony was so beautiful and I wish I could remember it word for word. Rabbi said some wonderful things that both impressed upon me the enormity of my decision to choose Judaism, and made it clear that I am now just as much a Jew as anyone else, with the same connection and the same responsibilities. She then let Nicole and I talk about the Hebrew names we had chosen before bestowing them upon us with a blessing.
Nicole’s Hebrew name is Elianna. She wanted a name that would honor her grandmother Elaine, whose home and presence were always a source of comfort, peace, and safety in a world that often felt unpredictable and chaotic to the young, anxious Nicole. Of the names that sound similar to Elaine, Nicole chose Elianna for its meaning, “My God has answered,” as she feels that she now is able to find this same feeling of comfort and peace within her newly developing faith.
My Hebrew name is Ziva Michal. Ziva means “bright, brilliant, radiant,” which is the same meaning as my maternal grandmother’s German name, Bertha. She was the grandparent I felt closest to, and she emanated a sense of spirituality, joy, and love of life that I share, which I feel is also reflected in the name. I chose Michal to honor a woman of the Bible who is largely painted in a negative light as bitter, and less acknowledged for having saved David’s life (what would our history be if he had been killed??) and for having raised her five nephews and being unable to bear her own children. Obviously fostering and alternative family structures are an issue close to my heart.
After receiving our Hebrew names, Rabbi gave me the opportunity to say a few words, which I’d prepared in advance. I said:
“If I invited you to be here today, it’s because you have been part of my Jewish journey in some way. You may think it was small, but you have no idea how you have impacted me and made me feel welcomed, supported, and excited – especially Rabbi R, who has become a total rock start to me with her seemingly endless wisdom, compassion, and support; Nicole, who has tolerated and ultimately embraced more changes in me than she ever would have anticipated; and Allyson, who has provided a constant shoulder and ear along the way. My journey is only just beginning, and I hope that each of you will remain a support to me as I feel my way through it.”
Originally, I was supposed to read my conversion statement also, but we were quite late getting started because two of my friends missed their first train, and we didn’t end up having time. I’m okay with that, and I think I will feel more comfortable offering for people to read it rather than having read it out loud to them all.
Then Rabbi said more wonderful things that I wish I could recall word for word about my taking on the yoke of the commandments and being a full Jew in every way. She spoke about how Jews are “the people of the book,” and that the Torah now belongs to me just as much as to any other Jew. She then had me hold the Torah, which I was pretty terrified of doing. I didn’t know how to hold it (it’s so big and pretty unwieldy, especially to someone who has never held it before) and I was so afraid of holding it awkwardly or even having it slip out of my arms. But Rabbi helped show me where to put each of my hands to make sure I had it securely, and then she had me recite the Sh’ma and the V’ahavta in English. (This is what is on the scroll inside mezuzot that are placed on the doorposts of Jewish homes.)
Rabbi then gave my friends and family a chance to offer any blessings or words to me.
C had been prepared, because she had said something so genuine and touching and beautiful to me while we were chatting in the parking lot after the workshop last week, that I had asked her if she could say that during my ceremony when Rabbi asks people to say something. She took that very seriously and wrote something out and even asked Rabbi to look at it first. I later learned that because she’d been able to prepare and had said something so profound and beautiful, the others felt anxious and on the spot about what to say. I guess I should have given them warning! On the other hand, though, they all said such touching things, and I'm glad they spoke from the heart.
I am going to have to summarize and I’m sure will miss some precious things she said, but essentially, C said that my soul has always been Jewish and has just been waiting to be released. She said that I have often asked her what the “right” way or the “Jewish” way to do something is, and that it’s funny to her because however I do it is the right way since I am a good person and everything comes from that, which is the essence of being a Jew. She said that I already embrace and live out Jewish values that have always been in me, such as my concern for the environment and for other people, my hospitality toward others, and how I question everything and then question the answers. She said that while this is a special day, it isn’t changing who I am and have always been. She said, “As much as you have been journeying to find your place here, to find your way to where you have always belonged, we have been waiting, so patiently, for you to get here. Welcome home.” That last bit moved me to tears and is something I will never forget. It might be the single most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Nicole’s sister talked about how their father’s family is much more extensive than their mother’s, so most of their family functions and celebrations are Catholic, like baptisms and First Communions. She said that as soon as we told her I was converting, she was thrilled because she knew she would have Jewish milestone celebrations in the family now, which she was sorely missing.
Both Nicole's boss and a friend of ours spoke about how powerful it was as born Jews to see someone find such passion and meaning in Judaism and to choose to enter into the covenant of their own free will.
Nicole’s mother spoke about her regret later in life that she had not instilled more of a Jewish identity in her children, and that while she was able to get Nicole’s sister involved around age 12, Nicole, then 19, just wasn’t able or ready to embrace it. Her mother spoke about how she had seen that Nicole needed it and always hated that she had missed the opportunity. She said that she is so happy that I was able to bring her daughter to something that she herself hadn’t been able to.
Nicole went last, and fortunately she had written it down so I’m able to put it here word for word:
“Wow, where do I even begin? When I met you over four years ago, I was Jewish but did not really practice, and look where we are four years later. I can’t believe how quickly this day has come. I am so proud of you and what you have accomplished. You came to my house for Passover that first year, and you couldn’t believe that my children wouldn’t have this experience. I think this is where the conversations began, and a few months before our wedding, you brought this up again (after doing tons of research) and you really thought that this was the right place for you. You felt that this was a faith you could believe in and had been missing for many years. We knew this would be a big part of our life that we didn’t want to rush into before our wedding. Not only did you find something that fit you so well, but you brought me back to a faith I had never experienced. Although I may joke with you a lot, I love to watch and see your excitement as you delve into your new faith. I love to see our bookshelf grow, and most importantly I love when we read and talk about all the new exciting information together. Congratulations on your conversion. Thank you for bringing me back to a place that feels like home for me and will be home for our family.”
Rabbi then gave a blessing by translating what the cantor sang, and then adding her own words. Part of that included, "May your eyes always shine with love for Judaism as they are now." I guess I looked happy! :)
Then there were closing words and more celebratory song and lots of long, tight hugs that felt so sincere and so full of love and joy and acceptance. I’m so happy that I decided to have a private ceremony with all of this. I think it made it so much more emotional and meaningful to have only people I’m close to there, and it also gave an opportunity for a lot of words from the heart that people may otherwise have been less comfortable offering. It was such a warm, intimate experience, and probably the most powerful of my life - well, second after the mikvah, which was completely beyond compare.
Then there were closing words and more celebratory song and lots of long, tight hugs that felt so sincere and so full of love and joy and acceptance. I’m so happy that I decided to have a private ceremony with all of this. I think it made it so much more emotional and meaningful to have only people I’m close to there, and it also gave an opportunity for a lot of words from the heart that people may otherwise have been less comfortable offering. It was such a warm, intimate experience, and probably the most powerful of my life - well, second after the mikvah, which was completely beyond compare.
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