Preparing My Body

Remember when I wrote about my conversion to Judaism and how there was something lovely and holy about preparing myself for the mikvah? I really cherished it and got a lot out of the process that is difficult even to explain. Well, that only took a week (and not for the entire week) and was for something that would be less than ten minutes long. Preparing my body for pregnancy gives me a similar feeling, but I have to be aware of it and consciously act on it multiple times every day, and it is for a process that begins now and will go on for about another year. Intense.

1. The biggest part of this preparation is making healthier nutritional choices. I took it to heart when my PCP signed off on the surgery with my slightly elevated blood pressure and said, "This surgery is low-risk and I'm not worried about it. But you need to be focusing on the bigger picture and get yourself into better shape so you have a healthy pregnancy." She said what I knew but made it real and immediate.

That appointment was on Monday December 23, and I started weighing myself every Wednesday, beginning December 25, and just making better choices - smaller portions, less snacking, only choosing "fun" foods that are really worth it and will be thoroughly enjoyed. I'm not disciplined enough to cut anything out completely so I don't think that would set me up for success. I've also struggled with counting points on Weight Watchers, though I know that when I do, it's a program that is very successful for me. As of this past Wednesday, January 22, I had lost exactly nine pounds. Not too shabby considering all I'm doing is trying to eat more consciously and make choices that are slightly better than what I impulsively want to do.

All too timely, Rabbi gave a sermon a couple weeks ago about the importance of not being enslaved by our impulses, by recognizing and naming the impulse, pausing, and then taking back control over our passions and drives. I remind myself of that when I just want ALL THE ICE CREAM.

We've all heard that people who struggle with weight and eating choices struggle with that their entire lives, no matter how long they may have been practicing better habits. This will never be easy for me. But I need my body to be in good shape so that both my baby and myself can be as healthy as possible...and then I need to stay healthy so I can be in my family's life as long as possible. It's that important.


2. My next preparatory act was beginning prenatal vitamins. They finally arrived yesterday from my insurance company's mail-order pharmacy, and I started them that day. They are crazy looking - one big white pill, and one dark brown capsule. I've heard of people having bad reactions to prenatal vitamins so I'm the slightest bit nervous, but so far so good. I particularly remember my cousin getting so nauseous and sick every day that she had to stop them.


3. I asked my fertility doctor on Friday whether I should be coming off any of my prescription medications as we get closer to insemination. She said that in general it's better to be on fewer, but that she can't make that recommendation and I should consult with my PCP who knows my medical history and prescribes for me. So I made an appointment for the Sunday of President's Day weekend. My PCP is on the Upper West Side, and I haven't changed because every living situation until now was temporary. Now I haven't changed because I just love and trust them so much (I have a favorite, but love EVERY physician I have seen in that practice) and it's still more convenient to go there from work in the Bronx rather than try to get to something in Long Island on a weekday.

My doctor is engaging, easygoing, gentle but frank, and natural-minded. I trust him to help me figure out what medications are safe and weigh the benefits and risks of remaining on them, going off of them, or finding an alternative. I made the appointment for a Sunday because I want my wife to be part of this conversation. I also want my doctor to meet her since he has known me longer than I've known Nicole, and he always asks "how's the wife?" Street parking in Manhattan is free on Sundays and I figured we could make a day of it!

I started doing some preliminary research as soon as I made the appointment. While I take everything on the Internet with a grain of salt and ultimately will be following my doctor's recommendations, I don't want to come in with no knowledge. It was helpful to see what other pregnant women's doctor's have told them, and what the research on certain drugs says.

My medications are for asthma and allergies. I learned that Advair (daily inhalant to prevent asthma attacks), Albuterol (emergency asthma inhaler for during an attack), and Flonase (decongestant) are class C drugs, meaning they have shown birth defects in mice but they obviously can't do this kind of research on humans so it's not known for sure whether it would impact humans the same way. Basically I should come off of them if I safely can, but if my asthma is bad enough (and it will be exacerbated by pregnancy), then it's better to take that tiny risk than to take the bigger risk of not giving my baby enough oxygen while I wheeze and struggle to breathe. However, many pregnant women were prescribed an alternative to Advair, which while maybe not quite as great, does the same job without the ingredient that is the problem. I'm glad I know this so I can ask about that specific medication if my doctor doesn't suggest it himself.

Zyrtec, which I take for everything except congestion (primarily sneezing and itchy, watery eyes), is safe, but Zyrtec-D (decongestant) is not. It appears that there may be no safe decongestant because of whatever the active ingredient is. But that's okay. I don't mind having a stuffy nose for ten months or more (if I can't take it while breastfeeding either) as long as I can breathe!


4. We are slowly switching to decaf coffee. This is what I've been dreading the most, more so than saying no to tempting treats or coming off my reliable meds. I loooooove coffee. I LOVE COFFEE. I love espresso-based beverages as a treat, and I'm a bit of a snob about what I brew at home (always set to "strong" on my bean-grinder) and what I'll drink at other people's houses or at restaurants. It's one of my favorite simple pleasures that I relish every single day. And as much as I delight in the taste, it really doesn't feel so worth it without caffeine. I imagine even people who absolutely love the taste of wine would still balk at the same wine having no alcohol. It's just not right and affects your pleasure on a psychological level!

I've been putting this off for quite a while. I worked with a teen once who wanted to get pregnant but wouldn't stop smoking cigarettes, but swore she could and would as soon as she got pregnant. I didn't get it. Now I do. Addiction is real, people, and this is my first real encounter with it for myself. It didn't occur to me that I was in its throes to this extent until I realized how many mind games I was playing on myself in order to not give it up. "I'll wait til the cycle where I'm trying to get pregnant. Then I'll be so excited I'll be able to stop." "I only have to give it up for that first few months, but then I can have it again. I know plenty of people who had just one cup a day later in their pregnancy and were fine."

Once I realized that all this justification made me an addict, I finally agreed to go along with my wife's suggestion that we start mixing caf and decaf with increasing proportions of decaf until we've switched over completely. Even if at that point I just say "it's not worth it anymore" and stop drinking coffee altogether. I knew if I wasn't going to go cold turkey, then we needed to start that now, and so we have. We just started this Friday, so far so good. We'll see how Monday morning goes.



Watching every single thing that goes into my mouth - food, vitamins, prescription medication, and caffeine - is pretty intense for me. As a somewhat natural-minded person, I've had a mild awareness of my body and what I give to it, but nothing compared to this. I'm going to be really real (and intend to throughout my blogging of this process), without shame and guilt, and say that it is not only about making sure I have a safe environment for my baby-to-be, but also about not doing anything stupid that sabotages us and sends us back to the drawing board of a very expensive process. Of course having that coffee isn't worth even the smallest risk of losing a life that I'm already attached to before it's even there - but it also isn't worth another $3000.

The reality is that I'm not just trying to get healthier because it might be easier to conceive with the idea that I could always change something if we have difficulty. We have to pay every single time we try, and I need to ensure optimal conditions from the outset. With anything that costs that much money, I would hope I would be as careful and protective as I can be, and this is no exception. Obviously I would be dealing with the emotional ramifications of miscarriage or difficulty conceiving, but I would also be dealing with continuing a process that is exorbitantly expensive, a process we can only afford to try so many times, and that's where my mind is right now.