Intro to Judaism - Week 6

The suggested topic for this week is “How do I feel about a Jewish wedding? What do I think about an afterlife?” While seemingly two unrelated subjects, this is a continuation of discussion and readings on the Jewish life cycle, and I do want to touch on both.

After much thought, I decided that I wanted to convert to Judaism about six months before our August 2011 wedding. What I did know right away was that (1) it was too late, too much was in place (particularly our officiant, the mother of a friend who happens to be a Wiccan priestess!), and we knew too little to majorly impact or alter our wedding plans, and (2) I did not want to rush this process just for the sake of having a Jewish wedding; that wasn’t my motivation. So we let it lie until after our wedding, and then began “temple-shopping” so we could get the feel of services before reaching out to a rabbi and moving forward from there.

I enjoy reading about what a Jewish wedding entails, and I do learn about pieces of it that I think it would have been nice to incorporate. However, our wedding was so meaningful to us that I wouldn’t change it for anything. We had a personal and spiritual connection with our officiant, we created our ceremony entirely on our own, and everything was laden with meaning personal to us. We did decide even before our wedding that we would like a ketubah (a wedding contract), but it seemed that it would be more significant, and would just make more sense, to create it after I have converted. We still plan to do that, and I also would like to see if our rabbi would marry us again so that we have our union blessed by her. I’m not sure if that’s something that can happen, or if there is some other somewhat private ceremony we could do that would have similar meaning, but it’s something I’d like to find out about because it would mean a lot to us. My parents did that when my mother converted to Catholicism several years into their marriage, after having gotten married in a Baptist church.

The afterlife – now this is something I was eager to learn about! About two years ago, I asked my close friend Allyson (a conservative Jew who has been an awesome mentor throughout my journey) what the Jewish view was on the afterlife. This was when I was first considering Judaism, and really just trying to get more information. I wasn’t sure what I believed, but I did know I didn’t believe in a concrete view of a Heaven – golden gates, clouds and sunshine, milk and honey. She was kind of stumped and said, “I don’t really know. We don’t focus on that so much. We focus on how we live our lives on Earth.” That was the best response I could have gotten.

Now, almost two years later, reading about the Jewish perspective on the afterlife confirms what Allyson presented, and gives me a better understanding of it. Jews believe the soul is immortal, but do not have much more structure or clarity than that. There is not a “heaven” that is seen as a reward – Jews believe you are rewarded on Earth with how faith enhances one's life, and that you should focus on prayer, Torah study, and acts of charity, in working toward the Messianic age. (Christians believe the Messiah already came, so it makes sense that they would have a different concept of the afterlife.) Likewise, there is also no “hell” that is seen as a punishment. When you atone for your sins on Yom Kippur and pray to be written in the Book of Life, that is a prayer to live another year. You are not atoning and asking to go to heaven, you are atoning and asking for a year of health and life. I am handed religious tracts on the subway pretty frequently, and they almost always start with, “Do you know where you’re going when you die?” The implication is that one should live a more righteous life (and/or ask for forgiveness through Jesus Christ) in order to be sure of a place in Heaven. For Jews, it is not so much about eternal reward, but about your life on Earth – a reward of peace and spiritual strength through a righteous life. It just makes so much sense to me.

There are references to "the heavens," but as a place where God and angels are, not as a place for people. There are references to "the world to come," but that is for all righteous people, regardless of their religious affiliation or level of religious observance, which is just kick-ass. One of the things I struggled with when I began to withdraw from religion was the idea that there was one right way to believe that would get you to "heaven." I remember my aunt, who is born-again Christian, saying that people who don't know about Jesus will not be punished in hell because they didn't have the opportunity, they never knew. But people who are told about Jesus, learn about him, and still reject him, will spend eternity in hell. My first question for her was, "Then why would you tell people about Jesus when you know that if they don't listen, they're now going to hell? Wouldn't you want them to stay safe?" Of course the answer was that it's better to try because it's so important that they be saved. But still, the whole idea has always bothered me. I love that even a religion that speaks of a "chosen people" acknowledges righteous people across all demographics and honors them equally.

When I wrote my first journal entry for this class, I wrote that one of my concerns was getting answers to my questions that I can’t agree with and might jeopardize my ability to sincerely convert. The biggest question in my mind as I wrote that was about the concept of Satan and Hell. That was one of the first things I let go of as a questioning young adult that resulted in my moving away from Christianity. It didn’t make sense to me with my idea of a merciful and compassionate God. It seemed like a primitive concept that was intended to motivate people to act a certain way (and yes, I’m very aware that one could also say that for Jews about being written in the Book of Life). Jews believe that seriously evil people do not have a place in "the world to come," and if bodies are indeed resurrected in the Messianic age, theirs will not be. But they do not go to a place where they are eternally tormented or in fire.

Jews leave a lot of possibilities, acknowledging that you can't know much of what happens in the afterlife. I love that because it's so honest, even if it offers little security or comfort through hard truth. "The world to come" is when the Messiah comes and ushers in an age of peace and then God will restore people to their bodies (questionable how literally this is meant?). Where do the souls of the deceased go until then? Well, there's really no way to know for sure. You could believe that they just sort of float around Earth, hanging out with their loved ones, or you could believe in reincarnation. There are so many possibilities and no way to know the truth.

Speaking of the Messiah, liberal Jews have interpreted this to mean that we are waiting for the Messianic age - so it may not necessarily be one individual who comes to save the world, but could be a time or place in which the world is saved. This brings in the concept of "tikkun olam," which is my agency's motto and means "repair the world." The idea is that we all have a responsibility to bring this age about. I love the idea of taking on that responsibility ourselves and working to improve the world and bring about peace, instead of waiting for that mystery person to show up and do it for us.

Everything I have read and studied has just made me feel more at peace and more sure of my decision. With every question that gets answered, another piece fits into the puzzle.