Material Girl

I have a decent level of guilt about being insistent upon giving birth, considering my views on adoption and how humans are destroying the Earth. There are so many children out there who need homes – I work with them every day. Knowing that, knowing what humans are doing to our planet, and knowing that pregnancy wouldn’t just “happen” for me because I’m in a same-sex relationship, it would seem like an obvious answer that I would choose to adopt. But I just can’t let go of the idea of being pregnant. It’s something I crave with every fiber of my being, and have since I was a little girl breastfeeding my dolls. I know that I will regret not having the experience.

So, because I cannot put aside this selfish desire without pretty severely impairing my quality of life (drama queen, I know), I am making a commitment to try to make my family have as small of a carbon footprint as I reasonably can. I have long wondered how a registry would work for a baby shower of mine when I am hoping for many gifts of lightly used items that would otherwise just get thrown away. Why do I need a brand new crib, for example? Why do I need a brand new infant tub? High chair? I would be sublimely happy if a shower included people bringing items they would otherwise toss aside, and kept me from having to consume new products.

While this sounds so great in theory, however, I was tested this weekend on my own consumerist attitude. Yes, while I have noble intentions, it’s still there. I’m a product of my society like everyone else.

We fully moved into our house last week Tuesday, when we were settled enough to bring the cats there. This past Sunday, we went back to the apartment at my in-laws’ where we spent the last three months, and we packed up everything that was left and took half of it with us that day. While doing so, my mother-in-law came downstairs to help with cleaning and pointed out Nicole’s baby furniture. There was a desk and headboard bookshelf looking thing, and she said there was a matching dresser in storage. She offered it to us, saying we could take it whenever we need it, it would be there waiting for us. Nicole got so excited, both because it’s her baby furniture and nostalgia is a powerful thing, and also because she loves the way it looks. The issue is – I don’t so much. It’s cute, it’s sweet – but it’s very dated. It has sort of a fake wood laminate look, which was all the rage in 1983 but not so much in (fingers crossed) 2014. The next issue is that they don’t have the crib anymore. How will I get a changing table and crib that match this stuff?? What kind of mishmash will my nursery look like? They’re so old-fashioned, and not in a cute vintage way, and not in a way that would go with anything else I would want to buy.

As I’m saying this, I’m realizing maybe this is more of a little-girl furniture set, not a nursery set (what infant needs a desk?) so it may be able to be saved for that and may not be such an issue. But I’m going to finish my thought anyway since I’ve already written four paragraphs, and the point remains.

I talk dreamily about repurposing other people’s items so that I can minimize my consumerism in having a baby, and then as soon as I’m offered perfectly good furniture which my wife loves, my heart sank at not being able to have my own, or more accurately, not having that perfect matchy nursery that you see in magazines and on TV. Do I need all that stuff? Am I going to need a cutesy teddy bear lamp that the kid will outgrow in a few years, or will that perfectly good lamp currently in the guest bedroom that won’t quite match do just as good of a job?

Not only do I not need or wish to contribute to the purchase of more new items and ultimately more garbage, but I also don’t need to spend money that isn’t necessary. Buying a house outside of NYC is no joke – our property taxes alone are more than what most people pay in rent in most of the rest of the country. We are going to have to budget carefully to have a child, even on two decent salaries, and I don’t want to throw away money that isn’t needed.

I guess I pictured myself as being this humble earthy mother who was one step from using a dresser drawer as a crib like in the olden days. This one flash just made me realize how much following through with this ideal will truly be a challenge for me, at least more than I would have liked to think.