This year's Christmas was quite different from Christmases past, and while this distressed my nostalgic self several months ago, it turned out to be a blessing. It was a reminder that traditions change and evolve for many reasons, and that my conversion is not the sole factor.
As kids, we spent Christmas just the five of us because our extended family lived 13 hours away. We spent Christmas Eve going to church (I went off and on once I turned 18, my brother stopped completely, and my sister always went) while Mom set up the Christmas Eve snacks and got the movie ready for our return.
On Christmas morning, my sister was always the first to wake up, and as a small child I was usually the last, coming down around 8:30 or so. I'd come downstairs, blinking and yawning, to see my sister and brother ecstatic over the unwrapped gifts (large or awkward items like a bike or a Barbie dreamhouse) and their plundered stockings. Then with me present, we could now all tear through our individual piles of gifts.
In the post-Santa age, we started putting presents under the tree in advance and then "played Santa," an idea we took from the movie A Christmas Story in which one person (usually me, I loved volunteering for this role) would deliver one gift at a time. This helped make the gift-opening last longer in an age where we were getting fewer, pricier gifts. It also allowed us an opportunity to watch each other enjoy each of our gifts, rather than being absorbed in our own greed-induced frenzy.
Throughout our lives and across our developmental phases, Christmas meant not getting out of our pajamas, snacking on stocking treats til mid-afternoon dinner, and lazing around watching Christmas movies.
This year was very different - except for maybe that last paragraph. My sister and her husband didn't get in until 1:00am Christmas Day because he had to work and then they went to Mass, so they weren't a part of the Christmas Eve festivities. My brother did come (which is very unusual the past 10 years or so, as he used to live across the state) and brought along with him his new wife. On Christmas Day, my brother-in-law slept in and, when he awoke, we went through our stockings. Mom had told us this would be the last year for stockings, as it was a lot to fill for each couple, and now that we are all married, we should be responsible for our partners' stockings. So we relished each little goodie, knowing this tradition would be gone next year.
We also did Secret Santa this year, and had agreed not to exchange until my brother and his wife got there; they were spending Christmas morning with my brother's stepkids, ages 7 and 9, and coming over around 11:00. So until they got there, my parents exchanged gifts with one another, as did my sister and her husband. Nicole and I had exchanged during Hanukkah. Then when my brother arrived, we watched the kids open their gifts from my parents before we did our adult Secret Santa. We haven't watched kids on Christmas morning since WE were kids, and it really made us feel more adult on this holiday than we ever have. Once their excitement settled down, the adults exchanged, and the gifts were delightfully modest since we'd set a modest price limit (also a change from years past - but honestly a welcome one).
It was a fun day full of family togetherness, and yet so different from Christmases past. As Rabbi stated when we met on 12/22, this is a reminder that traditions change and evolve throughout the life cycle for a myriad of reasons, so it isn't just religious conversion that is affecting this. Seeing that in action did really help. I was able to enjoy the day just as fully as ever, if not more so, despite the differences in how we normally celebrate and the difference in its personal significance to me. This gives me confidence that Nicole and I can create equally meaningful traditions in our own little family without feeling the profound loss I had half-anticipated.
Amen! Beautifully stated!
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